It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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