Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
