Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
