My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
