My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
