I could have mohawked her pubes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
