It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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