Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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