So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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