My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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