I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
