He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
