I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize