just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
