There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
