great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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