I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
