the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize