You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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