look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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