Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
