There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My vagina is officially offended.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
