I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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