Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
