Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
