Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
