Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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