Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize