Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
