I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
