It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
