Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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