Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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