I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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