I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
