he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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