I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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