so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
