Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
