Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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