i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
