He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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