So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
