So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
