just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
