so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
