yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
