yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
