Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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