im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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