Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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