apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
