was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
