Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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