No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize