i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
being pregnant is like rehab
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
