So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
