Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
