If i come over, it means nothing
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
