If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
