I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
