just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
