just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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