In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
