I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
