That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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