she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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