I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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