I don't usually arrange sex via text message
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
