be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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