Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize