I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize