eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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