they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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