Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
