He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
