I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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