Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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