Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
