Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
