There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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