That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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