WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm both gender and math confused
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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