According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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