Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
