bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
