My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
