I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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