The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
