She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
