I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
