so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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