Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
