watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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