just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
