You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
