New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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