Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
