Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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