I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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